


Glitter

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: YoI Ships Bingo [14]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Reference to Future Dog Death, Suicidal Ideation, pre-sochi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 15:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11854209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: The hardest thing about watching your best friend slide into depression is knowing that you can’t stop it.  All you can do is be a lifeline and pray you hold up yourself.





	Glitter

**Author's Note:**

> Written for YoI Ship Bingo  
> Square: Chris/Viktor
> 
> [Prompt](https://hellsdemonictrinity.tumblr.com/post/160523410875/angstfluff-prompt-list): 28. “I care about you.”
> 
> Also written for Christophe Week Day 4: Free Day

Viktor Nikiforov’s life was perfect, to die for, and anyone would be thrilled to trade places with him. Just ask anyone. He was gorgeous, he had enough gold medals that if he wanted to, he could melt them down and gold-plate his apartment walls, if he wanted someone to warm his bed he could get one easily enough, he had more money than he knew what to do with, he just… he glittered. He shone. He smiled and winked and teased and it was obvious that he was the happiest man on Earth.

Chris knew better. He saw the smiles that never made it to Viktor’s eyes. He saw through the gleam and polish to the darkness underneath. Viktor wasn’t happy. It was all an act, and an exhausting one. Chris had taken it upon himself to both help Viktor keep it up by going out with him and letting everyone believe that Viktor was still enjoying the life of a playboy and to help Viktor when it was too much and he needed to get the hell away from the cameras and have some time to just be. Chris was the one who was there to see what it was like when Viktor was allowed to just be.

When the cameras were off, Viktor never smiled. He didn’t joke. He barely moved. He’d talk to Chris, but there wasn’t much to talk about sometimes. Viktor didn’t want to talk about skating or partying or their friends, and other than that… Viktor didn’t have much at all. Makkachin was about it. Even the joy of talking about Makkachin seemed dim, strained somehow. “She’s getting old, Chris. I don’t know how much longer I have with her, and when she goes… I know you’re going to tell me to get another dog, and I will, but it won’t be my Makkachin.”

“Dogs are heartbreakers. Cats, too. At least they’re worth it.”

“Maybe when Makkachin goes… would anyone really miss me, if I went with her? Me, I mean, not Viktor Fucking Nikiforov the Living Legend of Figure Skating Ice God. Yakov might. Yuri would be mad at me for not choreographing his senior debut. But would anyone miss _me_?”

“I would.”

“You’d miss having a partner in crime. That’s not the same. You’d be just as sad if I retired and moved to Siberia or South America or Japan or something.”

“What… Viktor, I care about you. You’re my friend, not just my partner in crime. I thought you knew that.”

“I do. I should. I know you want me to believe that. I wish I could, because you don’t deserve the doubts. It’s just so hard… and while it’s great, it’s not… it’s not what I want. I want… I don’t even know what I want. I want a challenge on the ice. I know it’s mean to say that to you, but it’s true. No one’s come close to beating me in, what, four years now?”

Chris flinched. It was true, but that on top of not being enough for Viktor… that hurt. Viktor didn’t mean it that way, but that’s how it came out, and it hurt like hell. “So if someone could challenge you, you’d be happy?”

“Happier, anyway. It’s a lot healthier than thinking that what I need is a lover. A real one, not someone in love with Glitter Me. A challenge, at least… that isn’t putting some kind of unfair burden on someone. They get something worthwhile out of it.”

“You don’t think you’re worthwhile as a partner?”

“Oh, I am – if I’m Glitter Me. And even then, when I retire and Glitter Me is dead… why would the lover stay? What am I underneath?”

“You’re Viktor. You’re…” Chris trailed off as he tried to think of something about the real Viktor Nikiforov that he could bring up. He couldn’t. When was the last time he’d seen the real Viktor do anything but withdraw and mope? “I know there’s an amazing guy in there. You’ve gotten too good at being the Living Legend. You do need someone to draw Viktor the Guy back out of hiding.”

“Are you volunteering? It wouldn’t work, you know.”

“I know. I’m not volunteering. It wouldn’t work and it would destroy our friendship in the process, and you need me. I’m just thinking. Wishing I knew how to help you through this so I never have to hear you talking about going out again.”

“Oh… don’t take me seriously when I say things like that. I don’t mean them. Yakov would kill me if I killed myself.”

“Viktor… I don’t know… maybe… you should talk to someone? Get help?”

“I don’t know. Maybe after the season. I’ve got to go win this Grand Prix tomorrow, and then Nationals, and then Europeans, I’ll be too busy… maybe after Worlds, I’ll try to find… I don’t know. If you don’t see me on the ice next season, don’t be surprised. Normally by now I’ve already started working on ideas, and I’ve got nothing.”

“Viktor!”

“Not… I’m not saying I’ll kill myself! Take a year off. Spend more time with Makkachin. It would surprise everyone, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes, I’d say, but…”

“You’d better be on the podium with me, you know. Who do you think for bronze? I’d thought it would be Bin, but that Katsuki guy that’s currently in third… how had I never heard of him until he made it here? That step sequence… his flying camel spin…”

“His quad Salchow. Yuuri screws up his jumps. If he could get consistent…” If Yuuri could get his jumps consistent, maybe he could be the challenger Viktor needed. If only Chris had some idea how to fix Yuuri’s head problems, because it wasn’t a skill problem.

“Hmmmmm. I wonder… how do you fix inconsistency?” There was a flash of real sparkle in Viktor’s eyes, just for a second. “Even if I knew, I don’t know Katsuki at all. Why would he listen to someone who’s supposed to be a competitor?”

 

Chris’s worry for Viktor intensified a million times after Yuuri’s disaster of a free skate. But then… a miracle happened. Yuuri showed up to the banquet. Yuuri got incredibly drunk at the banquet. Yuuri, the world’s shyest, most reserved, most properly behaved skater, pole danced at the banquet.

Those weren’t the miracles.

The miracle was that Viktor came back to life. Yuuri sparked something in Viktor that had been dead for a long time.

When the news came after Worlds that Viktor had disappeared and no one knew where he was, except maybe Yakov who wasn’t telling, Chris had a pretty good guess. Viktor had to have gone chasing Yuuri. He poured himself a glass of wine and held it up to the east, in silent hope that it would be what Viktor needed.


End file.
